


Drowning without water

by Deadriot



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Depression, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-20 16:32:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13150593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deadriot/pseuds/Deadriot
Summary: Sherlock realised how in love he is.





	Drowning without water

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the sad topic.

“I deserve to be happy.” The statement was written in his small notebook at the very last page. It had been a long while since the last time he had to see it in blue ink and his fast-paced handwriting.

“I deserve to be happy.” Now it felt more than a statement. Perhaps now it meant that there should be something else out there for him. By now, he felt as if life just couldn’t stop mocking his pity existence as he walked through life. Everyday felt harder than the last one and he was just carrying all this endless inexistent weight on his shoulders.

It had been a rough month. Sherlock was insufferable but there was some darkness behind his every action; his sharp tongue cut deeper with words that carried more cruelty focused on hidden secrets, actions made deliberately to cause pain like putting the handcuffs just a bit too tight, among other things. John H. Watson, both as a friend and a doctor, was beginning to get worried.

The decision had not been taken in a hurry. He had spoken to Mary and both had given the situation a though trying to hound Sherlock away from others trying to avoid “collateral damage.” Sherlock was not the same so far. They could see it in the way he carried his weight around as if he was carrying something far heavier than his clothes and coat. Both, rational and irrational thoughts dictated that he was hurting from something they couldn’t see.

Sherlock knew that it was John who was standing outside knocking on the front door. He decided that it was best if Mrs. Hudson opened for him to let him in. The flat was in a complete disarray, but he couldn’t find the energy to do anything about it. He knew that his mind was burying him and that it would begin to be harder and harder to find the way out from his darkness.

‘”I deserve to be happy.”’ He whispered as he reread for what felt a thousand times what he had written so long ago. He chuckled to himself in a sardonic way. ‘I wish it were true.’

He threw the small notebook to the other side of the room as he heard the unmistakable noise of John going up the stairs. Not in a million years would he ever forget that noise. He closed his eyes and left his darkness take him into a restless sleep.

Today he didn’t want to see John.

‘Hey. Sherlock?’ The tenderness and the alarm that were carried through his voice tone made him wake up. Upon opening his eyes, he found himself to be face to face with John staring down at him.

Time seemed to freeze over. The whole world ceased to exist. The only thing in the universe was this moment frozen in time where they were so close that he could feel John’s breath and smell his aftershave. For a moment nothing else mattered. For a moment, John hadn’t chosen her over him and left. He liked the idea of having his John H. Watson back with him as his loyal and fierce companion.

For a moment, he fantasised of saying “I love you.” Because how many times had he wanted but couldn’t? Or was he that he hadn’t realised it before? Or perhaps it was that he’d rather have small bits of companionship and be part of his life than be nothing.

And then, the moment broke. Noise from the street creeped back into his consciousness and Mrs. Hudson’s cleaning from downstairs brought him to the present.

The here and now. The world where he had chosen her over him even though he would’ve given him the world.

Tears began flowing as reality punched him in the face.


End file.
